Not joined yet? Register for free and enjoy features such as alerts, private messaging and viewing latest posts and topics.

Teaching Maths in Britain.....

Jokes and humour! Keep it clean(ish) folks!
Post Reply
User avatar
Global Moderator
Global Moderator
Posts: 17571
Joined: Fri Sep 03, 2010 4:09 pm
Location: Planet X6......

Teaching Maths in Britain.....

Post by X5Sport » Sun Jun 10, 2018 11:48 am

Warning - possibly not politically correct.  Read no further if easily offended (I have to do this in 2018).  Now you can read on......

Teaching Maths in Britain

1. Teaching Maths In 1970:

A logger sells a lorryload of timber for £100...
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.
What is his profit?

2. Teaching Maths In 1980:

A logger sells a lorryload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is 80% of the price.
What is his profit?

3. Teaching Maths In 1990:

A logger sells a lorryload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is £80.
How much was his profit?

4. Teaching Maths In 2000:

A logger sells a lorryload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is £80 and his profit is £20.
Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Maths In 2005:

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and
inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the
preservation of our woodlands.

Your assignment: Discuss how the birds and squirrels might feel as the
logger cuts down their homes just for a measly profit of £20.

6. Teaching Maths In 2010:

A logger is arrested for trying to cut down a tree in case it may be
offensive to religious groups not consulted in the
felling licence. He is also fined a £100 as his chainsaw is in breach
of Health and Safety legislation as it deemed too dangerous and could
cut something.. He has used the chainsaw for over 20 years without
incident however he does not have the correct certificate of competence
and is therefore considered to be a recidivist and habitual criminal.
His DNA is sampled and his details circulated throughout all government
agencies.. He protests and is taken to court and fined another £100
because he is such an easy target.

When he is released he returns to find Gypsies have cut down half his
wood to build a camp on his land. He tries to throw them off but is
arrested, prosecuted for harassing an ethnic minority, imprisoned and
fined a further £100. While he is in jail again the Gypsies cut down
the rest of his wood and sell it on the black market for £100 cash.
They also have a departure BBQ of squirrel and pheasant and leave
behind several tonnes of rubbish and asbestos sheeting.

The forester on release is warned that failure to clear the fly tipped
rubbish immediately at his own cost is an offence. He complains and is
arrested for environmental pollution, breach of the peace and invoiced
£12,000 plus VAT for safe disposal costs by a regulated government

Your assignment: How many times is the logger going to have to be
arrested and fined before he realises that he is never going to make
£20 profit by hard work, give up, sign onto the dole and live off the
state for the rest of his life?

7. Teaching Maths In 2015:

A logger doesn't sell a lorry load of timber because he can't get a
loan to buy a new lorry because his bank has spent all his and their
money on a derivative of securitised debt related to sub- prime
mortgages in America and lost the lot, with only some government money
left to pay a few million pound bonuses to their senior directors and
the traders who made the biggest losses.

The logger struggles to pay the £1,200 road tax on his old lorry,
however, as it was built in the 1970s it no longer meets the
emissions regulations and he is forced to scrap it.

Some Bulgarian loggers buy the lorry from the scrap merchant and put
it back on the road. They undercut everyone on price for haulage and
send their cash back home, while claiming unemployment for themselves
and their relatives. If questioned they speak no English and it is
easier to deport them at the governments expense. Following their
holiday back home they return to the UK with different names and fresh
girls and start again. The logger protests, is accused of being a
bigoted racist and as his name is on the side of his old lorry he is
forced to pay £1,500 registration fees as a gang master.

The Government borrows more money to pay more to the bankers as
Bonuses are not cheap. The parliamentarians feel they are missing out
and claim the difference on expenses and allowances.

You do the maths.

8. Teaching Maths 2025:

أ المسجل تبيع حموله شاحنة من الخشب من اجل 100 دولار. صاحب تكلفة

> الانتاج 80 م
:ant: Never anthropomorphise computers. They hate that.

User avatar
Posts: 664
Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2016 11:33 am
Location: Norfolk

Re: Teaching Maths in Britain.....

Post by marti » Sun Jun 10, 2018 6:34 pm

Spot on! :))

User avatar
Posts: 5231
Joined: Fri Jul 30, 2010 5:13 pm
Location: West Sussex

Re: Teaching Maths in Britain.....

Post by pvr » Sun Jun 10, 2018 8:12 pm

:)) :)) :))
X5M F85,  Golf Clipper, Abarth 595 Competizioni, Jeep

911 50th anniversary -
Site & Forum Admin Team Member.

User avatar
Snr Member
Snr Member
Posts: 1863
Joined: Mon Nov 14, 2011 11:31 pm
Location: Amersham

Re: Teaching Maths in Britain.....

Post by jaynana » Tue Jun 12, 2018 5:04 pm


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Current: BMW 640i Convertible (320PS)
             Audi A7 Sportback 3.0 T FSI quattro (300 PS) SE STronic  8)
Previous: BMW X5 E53 Facelift 3.0d

Posts: 55
Joined: Sat Mar 25, 2017 5:00 am
Location: Cornwall

Re: Teaching Maths in Britain.....

Post by Reedster » Sun Aug 26, 2018 7:29 pm

Brilliant and spot on.  :)

Posts: 419
Joined: Sun Nov 25, 2018 10:29 pm
Location: Cambridge

Re: Teaching Maths in Britain.....

Post by Themoog2 » Wed May 22, 2019 5:26 am

That's not a joke. It's in the wrong section.

Post Reply